Thug Muggers Under Nibiru 9/7/24

Table Talk:

Last time i forgot to give Brooke some token for the DM hints she earned, so this time she got a You Tried Coin i printed and painted badly, as well as a Problem Solver coin from Javos IronWorks (a very good smith that i highly recommend).

Something i left out from last week. During our last session, Ashley had a bout of illness and had to leave the table early around the time Sorin found a rock to lean against. Sorin did nothing else that session while Ashley was busy losing her organs with upward momentum. During the week, she and i played out the rest of what Sorin did, and i included it in the narrative summary, and held the summary back until after we played for this session. That way, finding Sorin unconscious was a genuine surprise to them and we got their genuine reactions. Enjoy.

The feeling of certainty is still just a feeling.

—Ross Blotcher, "Oh No, Ross and Carrie! Ep. 405: Ross and Carrie Don’t Mutilate Cattle: Strange Harvest Edition"

🧺🛡️🎲🗡️📿✨🌿Chapter 23: Reunification (cont.)

Rae, Ari, Cypress, and Bostra make their way back up the mild sloping floor-berm towards the table-sized crystal. As they do, Bostra, in a gruff and somewhat curt manner, explains his actions as, “being a diplomat. I know some goblin customs, although I admit, the more militaristic ones stick in my head better, and I wanted to show good form. Remember, from a goblin point of view, that’s just how things are done. It’s not their fault your delicate bodies, minds, and modest sensibilities aren't used to being pushed out of the way.”

Standing by the table now they look around.

“Where’s Sorin?”

“Oh Gods not again.”

We hear Akris’s distinctive hissing chuckle and then from the other side of the table.

Rae kicks something on the ground and looks up, “I found him.”

That’s when we notice Sorin passed out on the ground.

Ari walks around the crystal and kicks at Sorin’s shoulder, standing over him in a way she never would if his eyes were open, “I’m back for all of five minutes, and he’s already downed.”

When she turns to look at Cypress, Rae explains, “To be fair, he was downed when we arrived, he just managed to move-” she looks to the water on her right, “-fifteen feet.”

“Forty five feet,” Bostra says after the DM does some quick √ math over the square grids on the map – he points towards the boulder on our left, “he was coming from the rock when I was talking to the mushroom farmer.”

Everyone turns to Cypress, who just looks exasperated, exhausted, overexerted, and expired.

Nymbus, do you think part with your recent focus on keeping the team safe, this exasperation driven by guilt?

Nymbus, flatly, and quickly: “No.”

Nymbus, explaining: “Just because, like, Cypress is doing what he was trained to do. Remember the scene we did with the burning house, where Cypress learned about, like, triage treatment? In his mind this is the same thing. Sorin was down, he saved him, then ran off to help Ari who was also in trouble, staying there with Sorin wouldn’t have done anything to prevent whatever stupidity knocked him out again.”

Sorin rolls another death save, and Cypress puts his hands together in prayer.

A second later, Sorin wakes up to see Akris, stretched in a line with his tail coiled around Sorin’s ear, and hovering in the air licking the crystal – clearly trying to act like a wire and give Sorin another shock.

“=_=*, thanks buddy.” Sorin sighs, again managing to pronounce an emoticon, as he sits up.

“So… what happened?”

Scratching the back of his head with embarrassment, Sorin explains, “Yeah so… don’t cast magic into this crystal, at least not the kinda Ari and I use. It was harvested (thoughtobehonestI’mtrulyscaredthinkingaboutthesizeofthethingthatharvestedthis,yikes) but what’s left still has a bit of natural magic in it, and it kinda ricocheted back into me as a backlash.”

Cypress i’ll leave it up to you, you can do an Arcana Check, a History (knowledge: geology) Check, or a Nature check to learn more.

Taking Sorin’s warning to heart, Cypress decides to roll a 13 on a Nature check.

Cypress is not a modern Geologist and doesn't know about tectonic shift or the difference between igneous and sedimentary rocks; but he does know a little about the building of mountains, and how different areas have different kinds of stones. He knows that sometimes the earth folds and shakes and crushes, or stretches and parts and rips. That means that he has some vague knowledge of how some special stones are made by the shifting of the earth as they get compressed by the rising and falling of mountains. Stereotypically, dwarves know more about ores and seams through the earth, but halfings too often dig their thermally-efficient homes under the ground.

The simple fact is that natural magic – the kind that is a source of its own like we find in firestones or tree emeralds – also sometimes forms as an ore. It forms in little pockets throughout the planes, and when there is an empty space in the ground, sometimes a large magical deposit will form. Then, just like the ores and other rocks, when the earth moves and shakes, the magic becomes transformed. It can compress into anodes of high potential, or shatter and become scattered as glittering magic sands, or be absorbed into crystals and plants that grow around it. These nodes can then have strange effects, like pulling a river the wrong way, or sending trees up into the air.

Next Cypress rolls to see how this leftover magic in the crystal would affect, oh say, for no particular reason, a pot of tea brewed on top of it.

Give me an Investigation.

Nymbus: “Ha, so far all of the ones you’ve listed all have the same +3.”

They can feel a soft and gentle breath inside the rock. It doesn’t move back and forth, but keeps pushing out. Not like a wind, but like Sheela’s breath that tells all things to grow. A bit of expanding force radiating out like the Will of Life itself. Cypress smiles, realizing that if he had a way to amplify that radiating energy, the tea he made would cause everyone to grow an inch just by drinking it. He sets the kettle down on the flat crystal and turns to Rae, “Do you still have that apple?”

Rae hands it to him as he goes through the three pouches of tea in his gear. The black tea is starting to run low, and the calming green is getting close to empty, but the earthy spice tea is still mostly full. He throws it in his magic thermos and sets to work on the apple. First, he peels it and tosses the sliced peelings in with the tea. Next he cores and slices it five ways. After hanging the core over the steam inside the kettle to collect the drips and juices, he uses another piece of twine to tie the slices to the scalding hot outside of the kettle.

Everyone is quiet as the tea boils and Ari can feel the thoughts of the group pulling at her, even though they are very pointedly not staring in her direction.

Last, Cypress grabs everyone's mug, and Rae’s metal goblet, then drops a slice of half toasted apple in each one, before pouring the rough camp cider on top of it, letting the apple pieces get soft and gooey as they soak up the hot tea. Then he sits back, his job in this done.

Ari looks up and now everyone is staring at her.

Bostra coughs awkwardly and his eyes change as he flexes his ‘give us your statement’ and ‘just tell me what happened’ muscles. “How ‘bout you start with why you attacked that Piercer that the gargoyle was eating?”

“Before that, we need to go back. further. After we cleared the Black Pudding and the poison from that sewer room, the one whore Sorin tried to sacrifice himself? I found the new rapier, and attuned to it. I should have known it was too good to be true. Once I attuned, I found out the damn thing was cursed. A curse of vengeance. If I don't focus after something or someone hits me in combat… I see red, and I have to take down whatever attacked me or go down swinging. I'm not sure of the origin of the Curse but… when I went to sheath it after attuning, I found a note. I don't have it anymore for proof, because in my panic I destroyed it! The rapier is from Zaanth.

“I know I should have said something about it but I was scared. I was then scared of you all getting angry or thinking I was working with Zaanth... I was scared of being abandoned. So I tried to keep it under wraps. But I knew Rae was suspicious of something when I tried to fight that cultist's Spiritual Weapon. Which brings us back to when I went after that piercer.

“I am sorry for attacking your snack and likely scaring you tZulèe.”

Everyone's concentration on the story breaks for a second and they turn to see tZulèe attempting to bite off a chunk of the crystal. “No!” Cypress scolds, putting a hand in front of the gargoyle's mouth. It looks over Cypress’s hand ay Ari, but it’s hard to tell if it’s still grumpy at her, or just grumpy at not being allowed to snack on the giant ominous glowing magic rock.

Ari continues:

“When Rae cornered me about it, and then you all kind of surrounded me... I panicked. Obviously. I figured this was the point where you all would turn on me or desert me, so I ran… Well… swam… sort of. I don't really know how to swim. I leapt into one of the rivers in the cave and got tossed around… oh yeah… I uh, lost my sending stone. It dropped between some rocks in one of the river bends. I tried to grab it but fell back into the river and got swept away. I don't know if these come with a find my stone feature or not. I washed up on a bank of a cave branch, and caught my breath, then began my search for a way back.

“I passed by a weird hole with some sharp rocks, kind of looked like teeth. I tried to jump over it, slipped, fell back into the river and was pulled into a large cavern. Oh, the maps and papers are fine by the way. That was the first thing I checked when I washed up on the bank.

“It wouldn't be a cave if I didn't find a Roper. I got lucky and this one had five of them. I tried to fight but eventually each one had a limb and I was trying to make peace about being drawn and quartered when these weird brains with feet came in the room. And on the biggest rode Zaanth.

“It was the strangest thing. The ropers still held me but weren't pulling me. I think the brains were controlling them. But even weirder was my interactions with Zaanth. She bowed to me, but it was MY royal bow, my family's. And she spoke in perfect Infernal. Knew all my old titles, my Father's… I think she may be or was royal. She made mention of “being deprived of our birthrights.” She was happy I abandoned you or you all abandoned me. She kept talking to me, saying ‘l'm royal, you're peasants and to tell you what to. Make you listen to me’.

“I… I don't want that. I hope you all know that.

“I ignored her and she started to leave but I remembered the ropers and I didn't know what they would do when not under the control of the brains, so I used my rewind to get her back, make her talk more. Tried to get her to give me more answers. In order to be let go from the ropers… I had to make an oath with her to not fight her.”

Sorin erupts at this, until Cypress puts a hand on him to calm him while Raelle-the-monk-with-a-big-stick glares at him to shut up. Ari explains, trying to calm him down:

“Please, just listen. I know it sounds permanent. But I know it’s not… members of the royal court from my kingdom took oaths to defend the crown, and were able to break them to join the uprising. I only said that I wouldn’t fight her right now.” Ari pulls the ceremonial oath dagger out of her bag, the one from Yofess’ office. She looks down at it, getting angry that Zaanth had it… how did she get this? Why did she have it? “I made an oath using this, an oath dagger from the hells. Specifically, this is the one from my mentor Yofess’ office.”

In her anger and frustration at the universe for the lack of answers, she slams the oath dagger down on the table-like crystal we are all sitting and standing around.

Ooo goodie, give me a quick Con Save from slamming the evil demon hell-dagger down on the magic crystal that shocked Sorin unconscious.

Brooke: “Crap, I completely forgot where we were. Uh. 7?”

Funn…

Brooke, worried: “What does-”

-dont’ worry about it. Finish your story.

Ari picks up the dagger, looking at how it sways back and forth in her hand, then with a start she closes her hand over it and looks up guiltily at her friends and Bostra watching her. She finishes the story:

“Sorry. Anyway, we sat away from the ropers and Zaanth and I talked. I tried to get any more answers out of her but she was just being frustratingly vague… or just too blinded by what she thinks is her own righteous cause. She wanted me to come with her for a day to see what she is trying to do to help the city. I argued that all she is doing is causing harm and pain but she was still under the impression she’s doing the right thing.

“She is convinced that I am some piece of this puzzle to help her cause but I don’t want to help her. I don’t want to work with her on anything. I’ve seen the harm that Zaanth and the cultists have done on Nibiru, just as you have, and I refuse to be associated with any of that. Anyway, I was able to get out of the room with the ropers. I followed a branch of the river back, went down a waterfall and here we are.

“I am sorry for running off. I am sorry for being scared that you all would desert me for this. You’re my friends and I know I should’ve talked to you before. I don’t expect forgiveness any time soon, but please know that I am truly sorry. I won’t run off from the group again and I won’t hide secrets like this from you all.”

“I’m very sorry, truly, very sorry,” Ari says, looking down at her hands.

There is a long hollow silence, and then Sorin just… hugs her. He puts his arms around Ari even as she goes rigid, and just says, “You should have more faith in yourself.”

Ari relaxes a bit, when feels Rae’s arms reach around to hold her from the other side, “And more faith in your friends.”

Then she feels tears in her eyes as Cypress sets their mug down and walks across the top of the table, joining in the hug, “And more faith, that it will all be okay in the end.”

Let’s do some real quick rolls here, and then i’ll slowly unpack each of them. Ari and Cypress will need Perception Checks, Rae a Luck roll, and Sorin an Insight.

As her friends slowly let go, Ari looks down at their lap and the oath dagger in her hands. She notices the very faint glow coming from around the runes that burned away her blood a few hours ago, then replays the last few seconds. She remembers slamming the dagger down and feeling something. Looking down at the crystal, her eyes widen in fear. She points.

In the middle of one crystal column going off to the side where she’s standing, right where Ari slammed the dagger down, there is a slowly growing column of blackness. Like a blob of black ink dropped in a column of slow-motion water, the darkness is slowly seeping out into the crystal around it.

With lightning speed, Bostra draws the short sword from Cypress’s belt. He moves his hand slowly up the blade and we see a blue line appear there. Then he slices downward and the sword cuts cleaning through the rock, cleaving off the part of it nearest Ari with the spreading blackness inside.

“What in the hells!” Sorin shouts, jumping back. “Bostra, what are you doing?!”

The older gnome casually walks over to the water's edge and dips the blade of the sword into the river with a hiss. When he comes back, everyone is looking at him with alarm. He sighs, and hands the sword back to Cypress. “I don’t know about rocks or crystals, or much about theoretical and potential magic. But when I see a foreboding dark cloud spring from a hell-dagger starting to swell inside a giant glowing crystal that already knocked out a wizard, and then I just ate off of…” He shrugs, “I figure chopping off the bad part like a worm spot on an onion is the best thing to do.”

After some opening and closing of mouths, everyone realizes that they don’t really have a good rebuttal to that, and they sit back down to chew on their gummy apple slices.

Rae raises a hand, “I think that-”

“-Ooooh,” Sorin interrupts with a sudden thought, “right, you don’t know how to swim because where you grew up the rivers were-”

“-made of fire and lava.” Everyone else finishes.

“Rivers AND lakes,” Ari corrects, then looks longingly at the water coming in from the ceiling, “and beautiful sparkling waterfalls of screaming black fire…”

“Rae, you were saying?” Cypress asks.

The monk nods and looks a little sheepish. “When we were down in the river before. When I was meditating. I saw… I think I maybe saw Ari’s Sending Stone in the river there. But I didn't recognize it because of the trance, and I guess because I wouldn't have thought to be looking for it.”

With some back and forth questions about bending streams and bruising heads, they figure out that, yes indeed, Rae was sitting looking out at about the right spot. It's almost as if some DM in the rocks overhead was making them do extra rolls just to see if someone would spot it. Almost.

“But wait,” Sorin says, with the same ill tact, still thinking back to earlier, “Didn’t you and your family abandon your kingdom?”

All eyes turn to Sorin, then Ari, then Ari’s horns, then Sorin’s neck.

“They left, you dodder!” Cypress says, smacking the boy upside the head. “They were run out in a revolt! Her friends and family died in the battle! Gods and damned alike! Ari, even I’m sorry he said that one.”

Ari tries to shake it off, as Sorin asks, “So what was Yofess’ Office then?”

Even Bostra mouth’s a quick ‘Wow’ to himself.

Ari takes another deep breath, letting it out through puffed cheeks. She tries to think of this as just another part of her punishment as she explains. “Yofess was a minister in our court. A royal advisor.” Her voice staggers a little. “He was also my tutor, and kind of my friend.”

Sorin opens his mouth, but the power of the glaring eye beams from Bostra, Rae, and Cypress, is enough to curl his lips back under his teeth and slam his jaw shut. (thank you, Sorin, you’re a wonderful and useful tool for me to explain things to the reader).

Cypress turns to look at Bostra and change the topic. During all of Ari’s story, he’d grimace when she said Zaanth’s name, and if he was going to take a sip, he’d set his cup down. “Bostra, Do you know Zaanth?”

There is another weighty pause, this time with all eyes on the royal cop. He sighs, “That’s… tough.” He pauses to light a cigar and tosses the match end to tZulèe under the table where Cypress can’t see. “I can’t say fo-”

“-ooo is it classified state secrets?” Sorin claps his hands together.

“-I can’t say for sure. Without knowing who she is… or who she was, I can’t be certain. I have never met her under the name ‘Zaanth’, I can say that much for sure, though I have come across that name before.” He takes a long pull from his cigar and lets out a cloud of earthen smoke, then opens a can of exposition:

“Zaanth is known to the Constabulary, and to a few of the towns and villages in the region, by means of a small docket of papers and wanted notices. She was found to be at the center of several raids and attacks on the city of Eka itself. The last one was an attack they called ‘the scarring of the city’ because the explosion left a large open crack in one of the many massive stones there. I’m told that the people have since filled in the crack with bricks and precious metals, and that some high ranking people now live there in defiance of any future attacks. But after that attack, the guards of Eka sent out these dockets, warning all the places around about Zaanth and her vendetta.

Sorin raises a hand and then after a long pause with no one talking, he coughs and just decides to just go for it. “Did the City of Eka ever reach out to us for aid with all these attacks?”

“No, I never heard of any calls for Aid from them, but that’s somewhat to be expected. The histories of both our city’s are proud, and we both have reasons to distrust foreign nobility. In our case, it’s from a long line of spies and manipulations by the larger kingdoms all around us. For them, well it’s more recent, and fresher in the hearts of its people, but i’ll have to explain.

“Some more of it makes a bit more sense now with what Ari just told us. Her actions always seemed like the motivations of someone with idealism writhing around inside their heart. You see, Eka changed a few hundred years ago. There was a new king, several affairs, a corporated heir, a vindictive torturer, a vindictive heir apparent… all the usual things of royal families that fall apart. Well then, the people rose up – and as they should! They toppled the king's throne and decided to remake the city. That’s where things got… muddled.

“Instead of installing the revolutionary leader as a king… now, Eka has this thing… a form of governance they call a democracy. They tally up marks and votes to decide their leaders and make their laws by common agreement…. That last part isn’t so bad actually, it’s worked out pretty well actually and has several admirable points to it. My issue with it, as a system, is that… I mean very few of their leaders are trained or suited to the tasks they’re lifted to. I’m not one to say that my bloodline makes me actually better than anyone else. And the Gods know my blood looks the same as everyone else’s when it’s spilled! There’s no magic ‘royalty silver’ specks floating in it! …but by history… See, my family was raised and trained in diplomacy, governing, and courtly matters. I read ‘Five of Four’ – the famous collection of philosophies on justice, peace and law– before I'd grown up enough to wander the orchard unattended. You all saw Willow, and even they – at that young age – have a grasp on the managing, rights, tables, and cycles of at least eight out of ten of our local crops. Because we are raised to it. Fairly or not it is a study that we have had thrust into our heads from birth. And now in Eka, some barman – or worse a landlord who doesn’t even run his own inns – can just stand around talking until enough people like them, and suddenly they have as much say in the running of things and the justice of the people as someone like me who studied the The Great Stone Law before I was twelve!? Democracy!”

Bostra’s mouth crinkles up in disgust and spitting out to the side, he looks around at us seeming to just now realize how worked up he’s gotten. He coughs, and sits back down on his rock.

“The point is, that when the people of Eka decided to grow what they call their ‘Senate’, many of the noble and courtly houses got tossed out. They ‘fell’ to use their own words; ‘like mansions crumbling to dust’. Some became merchants and farmers and innkeepers, but some were stuck as beggars. Ari, from what you said, I suspect Zaanth is from one of those nobel ranks, but from where and how I have no idea.

“Soon we’re going to truly be in the Underdark, but right now we’re just in caves. When we get into the real wilds, you all will be in for a shock at the scale of things. Eka itself is inside a hold of stalagmites hanging over a gigantic chasm in the earth. Before you laugh, I will tell you that the middle most of these hanging pillars houses their grand Arena, and its size rivals that of our own arena in Nibiru. What’s more, that’s only about half way down in the taper of the giant stone. Let that sink in.

“But, I’m rambling now.

“In history, each of these hanging pillars was the domain of a noble house, with the King and the family of the King living in the central and biggest pillar. That was before the people's uprising of course. There were three grand families and a fourth that had splintered into two factions, followed by a handful of six or eight minor families. If I had to guess, I would say that Zaanth stems from one of those dozen ancient houses.”

Everyone looks down or up in a thoughtful silence assembling all this new information together in their minds. After a few minutes, Bostra slides Cypress' new kettle back to him and stands up. “I think that's enough heavy talk for now.” He looks proud as he adjusts the seams of his cloak. “Thanks to my inbred diplomacy, I've managed to wrangle us a proper dinner with the farmer and his grandmother. So we should head there soon.”

Everyone nods and goes to put away their mugs.

“Oh hey, did I tell you guys, I found one of Devin’s marks over by that rock,” Sorin points. “I just figured, you know, in case we need to do anything with him before we go.”

“Just so long as we don’t hang around too late. I don’t want to keep our host waiting.”

As we make our way over to Devin’s mark, Ari touches Rae’s arm and the two of them hang back for a moment. She points to the band Rae tied to her arm. “I understand… and I’m still very sorry. I hope I can win back your trust Rae… But in the meantime, just… just know I won't untie this or anything. I’ll keep it on as long as I need to for you to trust me again.”

At the wall, Sorin pushes a Copper coin against the circle in Devin’s mark. Nothing happens. It falls to the floor, and Sorin picks it back up.

At the wall, Cypress pushes a Silver coin against the circle in Devin’s mark. Nothing happens. It falls to the floor, and Cypress picks it back up.

At the wall, Rae pushes a Gold coin against the circle in Devin’s mark. Nothing happens. It falls to the floor, and Rae picks it back up.

With an investigation check we see that the circle is concave and bows inwards – a dent in the rock – just like the head of a mushroom.

On a whim, Sorin pushes the baby Violent Fungus against the inverted dome. It instantly fades from reality, disappearing right there in his hand.

The rock turns to a dimly lit hole and we hear a familiar voice saying, “Kohk en fur mitcht kellen, Gurf’n mi- Oh hello Thug Muggers.” As Devin turns the corner from the hole into the cave.

His second head looks around sharply then glares. After a tense moment it says “You all made me lose a bet, you know.”

Then the other head laughs, "Pay up!” Then the right arm dips into a pouch in Devin’s sprong (a center hanging purse like a sporran on a kilt) and pulls out a shiny Silver penny with a hole in it. The left hand snatches it away, and as the left head grins at us, asking, “Sooo, how did you make your way here?” We see that hand flip the same lid of the sprung and put the coin back inside.

*after a coin toss” So, it’s the buying head that lost the bet. That means that selling this to Devin will be harder this time.

Devin’s upset head looks bored and disapproving. “Never mind that, what’re we selling today, Thug Muggers?”

There’s a pause full of ‘did you have anything’ ‘s until finally Rae steps up, pulling the rolled up armor from her bag, “Could you identify this for me? How much will you charge?”

With a spiteful malicious grin, the head replies, “Oh for free, of course for my good friends! It’s very good armor, full of extra magical resistance!”

Rae gives him back a flat stare and a high Insight Check, “We're not level two any more, what is it really?”

“Ugh, fine, spoil-sport. It’s Armor of Vulnerability.” Then with a look of you-all-just-aren’t-fun-anymore, he looks around, “Anything else?” When no one answers him, Devin’s buying head rolls its eyes. They roll up and back until we can see the yellows (like whites on human eyes) and then he keeps going, his head bending up and his long elegant neck curving straight over until it flops back behind him.

The other head chuckles and swings in front of us when Sorin asks him, "So what was the bet?”

Devin’s selling head looks around and then his middle and right arms move up and cover the ears of the buying head, “I can’t say. You see, the person I’m betting with has a bit of a,” he drops to a whisper, “gambling addiction!” He laughs, “So, I’m hoping to bet again, but I don't want to tell you anything and spoil the odds.” He stands up straighter and unplugs his other set of ears causing that head to shake and wake up. “Now then, did we need to buy any supplies?”

Sorin is already standing there and asks, “Can you get me a jar or two of grease?”

A long, flexible tongue darts out from Devin’s toothy grin as he leers down at the young wizard, “We need some lubricant do we now? I know you have certain proclivities, and a penchant for mechanisms. I’m well aware of all those little holes you squirt it into to make things go oh so smoothly!”

Everyone laughs at Sorin as he hides behind Cypress.

“Devin, can I get some rope?” Ari asks, “I lost mine earlier.”

“Sure,” Devin says, “What kind?”

“What kind do you have?”

“How much money do you have?” Devin asks. He pulls out a small bundle of thin weedy bailing twine, “This Casheck twill string is 4 copper a bundle.”

“Uh…”

“Or,” Devin puts it back, and pulls something much heavier out of the bag. It is a thick rope woven in a complex braid of dull red woven with shiny black, the entire thing is sheathed in a mesh of silvery metal links and rings, “This is 300 Gold for every ten feet. I have to take most of it to the coast Wokaydes (The Wading City on the Shallow Sea) this afternoon, but I can sell you some now. I don’t expect the Wake Captain will need a whole cask of it.”

Startled, Ari swallows, “Um, climbing rope?”

“Ugh, boring,” Devin sighs, putting the strange expensive rope back in his bag, “Hemp or silk?”

“Hemp?”

“1 gold then for your basic regular ass rope.” Devin huffs as they make the exchange. “What else?”

Ari looks thoughtful, “I had to use my Potion of Climbing, do you have one?”

Devin taps his teeth, “No potions today I’m afraid, but I do have… something that would help with climbing…” He smiles and the other, irritated, head smirks.

Ari sighs, “What is it?”

The lizard man digs in his big duffle bag and pulls out another coil of rope. “Rope of Climbing.” Both heads laugh, as Ari and Rae dig through their purses.

“Thanks Devin…” Ari says, almost managing to pronounce the same =.=* emoticon that Sorin did earlier.

As he walks back through the dimly lit hole in the rock we hear Devin’s voice over the sound of chirping jungle birds, “Where DON’T you think they’ll end up next? I’ll make you a little wager.”

Then Devin’s voice replies, “I know for sure they’ll never make it to the Gray Mountain.”

“Hmm… I'll take that bet at twenty to…” His voice is lost as the rocky stone dissolves back into view.

We make our way across the sloping mushroom farm. We carefully step in the spots that Gurf’n showed Ari and Rae earlier when he marched them back to safety until we come to his little two-rope bridge.

The post here must be driven deep into the ground to stand up so straight. All around it are lots of spokes spiraling up through little augered holes – like a wheel if it were pulled and stretched into a spiral staircase. We all use these spoke-steps to climb easily up the post to where the ropes hang over the roaring water. Then everyone rolls to make it across, and succeeds easily. Everyone, that is… except Ari.

Don’t worry, she just had a hard time balancing and it took her a little longer, but she got across just fine.

Across the ropes now, in this little cave – really just a wide crack in the wall – we can see several bits and bobs settled all around. Along with a few sacks of farming supplies, and some tools mounted to the walls, there are some chests in the corner where the tunnel curves to one side in front of a wooden door. Gurf’n stands up, seeming to pull half his body out from a chest like a slinky and turns to us. He eyes us for half a second, then holds up a hand with a flat sinewy palm facing us, “Stop.” All of you but one introduced already,” He narrows his eyes at Sorin, “Who is this new one?”

“I!” Sorin says with a grand aire and a flourish of his cloak like a stage magician at a kids birthday party, “Am Sorin…,” then raising one twist hand up like a mask, “The Magnificent!”

Gurf’n looks at him for all of three and a half heart beats, then barks out a deep belly laugh that sounds like a boulder falling in a mine shaft. “HA! Sorin. Good name for clown!”

*checking notes* ah, okay, here we go, where’s the description of the little tunnel area outside the house so we'll end off on that.

…

Nevermind, i’ll just start with that next time.

Brooke: “What? Why?”

Well i just realized that this paragraph in my page here isn’t a full description, it’s just the jumble of notes and jotted half ideas that i left myself to use as a reference for writing the actually description

All the players at the table: “Oh my god, now you have to read it!”

Haha, nah.

Everyone but me: “Come on, read it.”

It’s not finished and won’t even make sense, it’s just a bunch of random words…

Everyone at the table, chanting and pounding the table with forks and knives like the hungry bullies in my anxiety nightmares, while i sob and beg for mercy: “READ IT! READ IT! READ IT!”

TUNNEL AND FARMHOUSE baskets on hooks sharpener chest semi hidden wall and door, wooden tubs one dirty (mush clean) and one clean for bath counters build into wall hammocks grandma, japanese style Irori hearth with moving mats and hanging pots cushions around, hay and jars lots of salt “fer the snails see, it's what we has fer farm heard and salt is how e wrangle um.

You can be funny and kind or funny and cruel. The second one is easier, but the first one is worth it.

—Justin McElroy

Table talk:

Reader, that’s really how it went down to, one hundred percent for real. Everyone pulled out a big knife and a cartoon fork out of nowhere and banged them on the table. I even magically got turned into a pork roast but with my head, it was wild and i was definitely threatened with violence, and not just gently coaxed by a group of friends. It was awful and traumatic. Save me.

I ask -the ravenous horde of flesh eating parasites- the players to talk in the discord this week about what they want to talk/ask about at this dinner with Gurf’n so i have a bit of a chance to prepare what they might say, how they might react, what answers they might give/items they might have, etc. The -hideous and vile cave monsters- people i play with have a bad track record of talking things out like this during the week even when i -threaten them with a whip and a chair outside their cages- prompt and encourage them. So we’ll see how it goes.

The summary here of Ari’s adventures was written by Brooke, and not me, i specifically asked her to do this so that it would be Ari’s version of the story, and what she told the party without paraphrasing and rubbing my grubby fingers smearing nonsense all over the whole thing. The narrative version that i wrote with room descriptions and things is up here now, and the raw text of Ari’s story that Brooke wrote is here.