Thug Muggers in the Palace 11/4/23
Table Talk:
I had a lot in my head about the look and feel of things, going into this session, but not a lot pre-written in my notes. So i let the players know that i’ll do my best to describe things, but a lot of it will be based on where characters are looking, so if they want more detail they’ll have to tell me where they’re finding it.
The big point going into this session is that this is a dialogue heavy session. So, by the nature of that it is ROLEPLAYING heavy game today. I told the players that i’ll be lenient at first, but cracking down on the simple rule; If you are talking, you are playing, if you say it, your character says it. I’ll try to be understanding since this group struggles with that, but i REALLY want us to focus on that today.
They think they want good government and justice for all, Vimes, yet what is it they really crave, deep in their hearts? Only that things go on as normal and tomorrow is pretty much like today.
-Lord Havelock Vetinari —Terry Pratchett, “Feet of Clay”
Book III: The Live for the Crown, Fight with the Sword, Die in the Ground
🎲🗡️🔔✨🌿
Chapter 1: A Royal Audience
🎲🗡️🔔✨🌿 Chapter 1: A Royal Audience
The sun has long since set over the western mountains behind the grand city of Nibiru. The last rays of that golden chariot have disappeared and the city is cast in the firm shadow of night.
The streets are cool and dark, where they are not lit from passing lanterns or the glow from the windows of the houses.
In the pensioner’s house, the old times are bickering over coffee and cards when old Scal Branthem goes too far and says the widow Maychen was a cheat, not just at cards, but even with her dead husband.
In the Bard’s House, a fun open Mike night is turning into a drunken brawl after Mike refused to let a singer play “Pour Some Honey Onto Me” for the fifth time that night.
On Jar Street a couple of Thugs seem to pop up out of no wear and grab the North Forager’s delivery boy. They hold the poor kid up the wall with a sword so battered and rusted it looks more like a saw. They take the Stinkhorn bottles and the Moonstalker bundles out of his basket, then send him running back with a red line under his neck, as they stomp the other bottles to bits on the cobbles.
But, our heroes know none of this. They are in the belly of the Golden Sphere, the Royal Palace of Nibiru. The long ancient home of the gnomes who founded and defended this land after they found the berry bushes that gave them power, and the Flying Serpents that taught them how to use that power… At least that’s the story we all learn in school. How much is heroic myth and how much was just clever resource politics during an early exploratory age of famine is up to the historians… Though i doubt that any historians in this city will write too much against that founding myth. The royal family wouldn’t care, but the people here sure are fond of it.
Here in the belly of the golden palace, the Flying Snakes flap around freely like cats on a farm, and the berry bushes flourish where the golden walls curve into the ground.
Lo, The Scion of Nibiru, is handsome and beautiful. Xir short dark hair is mussy above a pair of sweet charming eyes. Xir easy relaxed smile still manages to show off a strong chin and cheek bones. Xe is wearing an informal button shirt opened to a little below the throat, below are simple baggy flowing pants, like Thai fisherman pants. Xe steps forward and embraces xir uncle, seemingly not to care about his dirty and stained armor pressing against xir fine clothes. “Uncle Bostra, welcome home.”
While the players gasp, let me describe the surroundings. The room we find ourselves in is remarkably well lit and open. It is the large circular base to the Golden Sphere palace in the middle of the open royal lawn. There are three open arches going out to the lawn, one to the north facing the orchards, one to the east facing the main palace gates and the city beyond, then to the south the one we came in through, loosely aimed towards the palace bridge.
When Rae turns to look behind us, she can see the bridge shudder to a vertical halt, pulled up for the night.
In the center of the room is a golden column, and if not for all our experience in the sewers, we probably wouldn’t notice the large pipe hidden in all that gilt and filigree. Around it at the base of the floor is a grate or drain, and white steam is pillowing out of it in a steady upward cascade. The walls here are lined with tack and hardware. It's fine and clearly high quality, but it still gives the impression that this is a working room. Two walls, each with grates, quarter the back half of the room, with a wide hallway leading to a door between them.
Sorin takes the opportunity to look through the grate of the closest one to see a store room full of crates and barrels. With a 17 on an Arcana check, he is able to see the carvings of spells on the barrels and crates and realizes that these are most likely Barrels of Holding. Doing some quick calculations that means that the small kegs hold roughly 500 gallons each, and the large ones at the bottom hold roughly 2,000 gallons each and the tun in the back around 4,000. The small chests should hold about 256 cubic feet or up to 1000 lbs of grain so the full crates would hold nearly 6 tons of grain each. Sorin lets out a low whistle adding it up. Rough 22 thousand gallons of liquid, and another 40 tons in dry storage. So that's over 60 thousand people-days of grain and 440 people-days of liquid supplies even with pretty liberal usage. Sorin had always been told that the city was well supplied in case of a crisis or a siege and where was the proof. In case of a siege, there’s 1-3 days of rationed supplies just in this one room.
Yes, Kai drew the map and then spent one and a half hours at work calculating the size differences of different barrels and crates in relation to the Bag of Holding to write that half paragraph.
[Assuming the city has a population of around 20k given that London was around 15k until ~1300 AD, Cologne germany at 21k ~900 AD and parris at about 20k in the late middle ages ~1100 AD (going off a Wikipedia chart of historic urban populations).
Asume Keg of Holding to be one English Kilderkin (16 gl) since a modern party keg is 15.5 gl. The mediums are English Barrels (x2=1000 gl), medium-large barrels to be Butts (x8=4000 gl), the largest to be a tun (x16=8000 gl). 1 Tunn + 3 Butts + 2 Barrels + 2 Kegs is 22k gl. for water the Penn state Water System Planning: Estimating Water Needs assumes 50gl per person per day erroring on the lowerer side because of siege and ‘olden’ times. So that’s 280 people days of water for comfortable living and washing. In a crisis estimate 1gl/day/person. Giving the city just over 1 day of water in crisis in these barrels.
Chests at 8x the size of a BoH (~8 bags lined up going officially WotC licensed messenger bag’s ThinkGeek had) so that’s 4000 lb or 256 ft3, using the average of the top four (Bran 16, Beans 50, Oats 25 and Wheat 48 with the Elipsetran chart) at ~34.75 lb/cubic foot, that's outside the 7.8 lb/foot threshold given by the Bag of holding, so the grain will come out in size rather than weight, making the weight measurement ~1/4th the original weight. So that makes the chest storage only 1000 lb, a large crate (12 chests, 2x2x3) 12k lbs or 6 tons, and a medium 3 tons at half the size. For food consumption using the World Food Programme standard estimate, 1 ton feeds about 1.5k people (crossing measurement systems but sue me it’s fantasy and the conversion is 0.9 to one anyway). So that’s 60 people-days and with 20k people in the city that give 3 days of food in these crates]
Why did i do all that? No one knows…
Meanwhile…
A small gnome child in a simple flowy white night dress with purple embroidery comes running into the room.
They run directly at Bostra with the mischievous grin of a child who knows their due present. “Declarer, declarer,” they chant in a sing-song voice before giggling, “you know the rules declarer, what do you have for me?” Their face is simple and happy but elegant, with shaggy curls of hair tumbling all around them and perhaps the merest hint of mustache, or perhaps the remnant of so late night chocolate.
With a look of shock, Lo gasps, “Willow! Don't you be so rude!”
“Now, now, Floganetta, it’s fine. And it is their right.” Bostra digs in a pocket and pulls out a small necklace. A strange coin with a hole in the middle rusted to a green-turquoise patina looped in fine chord as a pendant.
Willow snatches it laughing, and runs out into the lawn.
“Bostra, please forgive us, I’m so sor-”
“It’s fine.” Bostra says with a blunt look. “I appreciate your compassion and concern, but from a young fledgling like Willow I take no offense. I don’t suspect xe had any more malice in it than any normal child after a gift. It’s just that simple playful greed that is the way of childhood.” Then with a grizzled smile he adds, “If you want to claim your right off me though, I’m afraid all I have left is cigars,” and with a wink, “my young nibling just took the only good treasure I brought coming here.”
With a playful smile Lo laughs, “And of course you just happened to be walking around with a necklace in Willow's favorite color.”
“Is it really now? Huh, what a strange coincidence.”
As those two laugh, Sorin walks back to the others to hear Gaibon giving them all hushed whispered instructions. “Listen to me closely, it is very VERY important that you do not lie for the next few hours. If you have to lie, just say nothing at all. And while we are here, all of you use the full names of yourselves and anyone you are introduced to. If you are told someone’s name, title or rank, repeat it exactly. And, if any of you have any possible titles or accolades you’ve been hiding and can claim honorably,” he says, breaking the word into syllables for emphasis, “this is the time to recall them.”
“I’m top of the class for the scholarship students!” Sorin announces proudly.
Gaibon pinches the bridge of his nose, “I’ll remember that in the event of a tie.”
Ari hesitates and then shyly whispers, “Um… I’m technically a princess…”
There is a silence broken only by Sorin’s excited whisper, “I knew it!”
With a disbelieving blank stare Gaibon asks, “Do you have any proof?”
Ari nods, and pulls out her father’s brooch. We had a lengthy discussion at the table about this; what the brooch was, and if it was a family thing or a royal artifact and came to the conclusion that the brooch itself probably doesn’t look too impressive other than being very fancy. It might be an heirloom that a heraldic scholar could look up, but not something known on sight.
With a 14 persuasion, Gaibon gives her a kind smile, “I’m not saying I don’t believe you, but I’d be careful unless you’re ready to answer a bunch of questions.”
At that point Lo walks up to us and Gaibon snaps to attention. In a gentle voice xe instructs us, “Take a moment here. Breath in the steam and use it to wash off your disguises. We’ll wait just through the door to take everyone upstairs.” Then Bostra and Lo walk down that back hallway and through the door.
Sorin is dumbstruck as he goes up to the flowing steam. He can remember all sorts of playground legends about the steam of the palace. That it heals you; that it gives the Royal family immortality and wisdom; that anyone who touches it, their pee will turn to gold the next day. All the silly stories of his youth hit him in the single thought ‘Yeah, but, I never thought I would touch it.’
Rae is the first to run over to the steam, leaving a Rae-shaped dust cloud behind as she scrubs off her girly makeup. Once she’s scraped it all off she turns to Gaibon as he rubs off his fake stubble. “Why did you bring us here in disguise though?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” He asks as he replaces his armor from one of the sacks in the cart. “You aren’t here. None of us are. A couple gate guards saw an idiot farmer bring in a cart way past time. They locked them in so that they’d have to beg for a way out at the main gates. Dingy farmers and one pretty girl trying hard to look eligible to the Scion. That’s all and nothing more. No strangers from outside the city, no captain of the watch, no students, and no clerics or war heroes.”
“I am a sack of potatoes” Cypress says as he walks back to the cart to grab his staff.
“Exactly.” Gaibon nods, then seeing Cypress grab his staff adds, “And I shouldn’t have to say this, but leave any weapons you have here, the last thing I need is Sorin to start shaking and drop a dagger in front of the crown.”
“Hey!”
“That should be fine,” Gaibon says as Cypress raises his staff with sprigs of leaves tied to it, “It's a symbol of office, so it won’t offend. But anything else stays on the cart.”
Once the captain leaves them to walk to the door, Ari hurriedly grabs the knives out of her boots and tosses them in Cypress’s sack.
With Gaibon gone, Sorin slides Akris out of his sleeve and starts whispering instructions to him to mingle with the other Flying Snakes.
Ari turns around, sees Sorin whispering and immediately charges. “Disburse him! Now!”
“What? Why?”
“Ari’s right, sure he can blend in but he's a narc and he loves screwing things up for us.”
“Whatsss? Meee?” Akris snickers.
“This meeting is going to be all about talking and what we don’t need is a literal demon mouthing off to a royal and-”
Ari lowers her head and Sorin sees her horns glinting. He backs away waving his hands.
With a nat’ 20 on his stealth roll, Sorin manages to push his familiar up his sleeve without being noticed. “There, there he’s gone!”
Rae and Ari are skeptical, but they let it go, and we walk over to join the others.
Lo leads us into the inner walkways of the palace walls, then we immediately turn onto the staircases there and climb to the second floor.
Our time on the second floor is brief, just enough time to walk through to the main floor above. We see the doors to two huge kitchens and a room with some comfortable chairs, then a room with a few golden Sending Statues, before we are led up the next flight of stairs.
Before i describe the next room, let's roll knowledge to see who knows what about court etiquette, about the royal family, and politics or history of Nibiru.
Sorin of course has a good knowledge of the city from growing up here, so we’ll start with him. From his local history courses he knows, the royal family came to power in early civilization (~ 1k BC our time in the stone age). They found the steam vents and the berries which have always been rumored to be magical somehow. The family was guided by a talking Flying Snake and led a tribe of gnomes to settle here. They were often attacked by literally bigger people for their resources and they fought back with the aid of the berries, the tactical advice of the Flying Snake, and the boiling steam. This led to a long era of siege and defense where the royal family's ancestors cemented their legacy as heroes, tacticians, fighters, and diplomats. They gradually transformed those early huts and farms to a village and eventually, a city, and not a capital city overseeing a small state.
Cypress has picked up on some things by talking to people along the road on his way here. And he learned more the evening he spent his dinner with the people in Tenton outside the east gate.
The Royal Family’s use of Flying Snakes as spies (hidden as symbolic gifts to other courts) has always proved to be a good tactic which gave them advantage over neighboring tribes and nations, helping them solidify ties until the area was under their rule. But, this tactic also led to long traditions of paranoia in the family. Now Nibiru plays a role similar to Switzerland in the late 1900s, they are renowned diplomats and have kept power by guarding resources (the magic school, the wealth of the city, the local farm and villages, and the three easiest routes through the mountain). The city and its surrounding area is also located in an intersection of contested territory between five nations and so Nibiru keeps the peace by being a small state in between, and not allowing any of the five to claim the area, giving the Nibiru region a small but somewhat significant military advantage.
The members of the royal family are ALWAY kept genderless, enby is the style and it is enforced. The paranoia of the family has led them to believe that if an enemy were to learn their sex or orientation, then they could attempt to seduce the throne away from the interests of Nibiru and the royal family. As such, gender and sexual preference are closely guarded state secrets for any member of the family. They go out of their way to present as non-binary as possible and even when The Crown (the ruler) or The Soul (their romantic partner) are pregnant, one of them wears disguises to make them both look pregnant. It is even rumored that the midwives have their memories erased after a birth. There are further rumors that the midwives of the early rulers were imprisoned to keep the secret.
Sorin can add here that the current Crown is Samanthuel, sometimes lovingly called “The Royal Sam” by the people. They’re known as a fair and loving ruler, though distant and enigmatic. Everyone always laughs off the distance as better than “iZca the Strange” (The Crown three generations back who invested in dark magic and left the city to rot until “Gith the Kind” came to the throne and righted things).
Sorin also knows that the name “The Soul” (Quinteranule) for partner of the ruler was originally short for “Soulmate” but has also led to the expression “a Crown without a Soul, doesn’t know not how to love their people.” The first child, and next in line is called “The Heir” (Alexandera) and is followed by “The Scion” (Floganetta) then the younger “The Sprout” (Robinertanno), and the youngest children, like Willow, are “The Fledglings”.
If Sorin paid more attention to town gossip he would know that Willow is the only Fledgling and that is causing rumors that Sam or Quin may now be infertile.
We determined that Rae’s upbringing in the monastery did have some training on courtly etiquette. Less about meeting royalty, and more about audiences with mayors and barrons to felicitate aid and broker minor agreements.
Side note here, Sarah and i spent a few hours flushing out her monastery. Giving it a name, a symbol, a basic history, some small lore, and functions. I haven’t found a good place to put all of that on here, but please know that it very much does exist, so when i reference something there it is pretty thought out.
Ari’s knowledge of royal courts is, of course, pretty different. Her family was deposed before she was old enough to travel with the family on official state visits, and she was herself a member of that royal family. So, most of her knowledge is on the receiving end; how to act as the royal in your own court, how to greet people, and so on.
As we walk up to the stairs leaving the second floor of this palace Ari begins to feel the prickling cactus needles of homesickness in her heart. It’s not the royalty or the grandeur she misses. As we walk past rooms and furnishings, it is a very specific sadness that grips her. It's a longing for things that match. Here in this palace everything is gold and the purple blue (42314b) of acai berries. Of course her home was never gold, not in a land where it would melt off the walls; but it was all a theme of slate blacks and burning reds. She remembers her mother after they were deposed picking up various odds and ends and furniture that were in the right colors, just trying to make things match.Her whole life since they fled has been mismatched. Mismatched paint, mismatched chairs, mismatched clothes…mismatched friends… She looks at the two small lamps on either side of the door, each one a perfect twin to the other, cast at the same time, worked at the same time, finished at the same time, shipped at the same time, and installed at the same time. Then she looks at her companions… A little puff of a tear steams from her eye.
The third floor, the main floor, the royal court, the ball room, the audience chamber, is the essence of grandeur. Its high ceiling is held aloft by 7 pillars curling the chamber. We come up the stairs just to the right of the middle. In front of us are balconies. They are protruding from arcs cut into the golden dome. Lo turns us to face the other side and as we turn we see more of these ornate arches and balconies in all diction facing out towards the city. Then when we face around toward the mountain and towards the throne. The first thing we notice is the column of golden steam coming from the floor. In the same spot as the ornate pip below. But this steam shimmers and glints with the glitter of gold dust in it as it rises to a catch in the top of the high ceiling. Then our eyes follow the acai-colored rugs up the middle of the floor. The whole back of the room sits on a raised platform that looks to be made of solid gold bricks. On either side of this platform are two even grander archways that lead into the wings where this room connects to the palace walls, allowing guests to walk the merlons and the parapets late into the evening during balls and high events.
We see the throne. A golden chaise lounge upholstered in fine acai-colored velvet. Spaced out around it on this platform are various potted plants from far away lands. Sitting there, leaning against the arm rail is a calm gnome with a crown of gold and leaves. Xe are the epitome of enby beauty. Xir slender face and high cheek bones give their face a stern but gentle cast. Xir eyes look wide, with thick luxurious lashes under heavy well manicured blonde eyebrows. Xir dark blonde hair spikes up inside the crown contrasting their full lips and slightly pointed cleft chin. Next to them, the Soul looks at us with un-blinking neutrality. Their feminine rosy cheeks rise in a faint placid smile. The smile does not part their deep purple lipstick, but it does lift the stubble of their close-cropped beard. When they turn back to The Crown, their shiny brown hair falls in waves into their lap like a shampoo commercial. Both are wearing tight vests which seem to both accentuate their chests into a vision of small plump breasts, and yet still be binding them down. The vests are multi shaded green embroidered with the fine details of forest leaves. Underneath these, they each wear shirts with loosely flowing three quarter sleeves, ruffed at the ends. When The Soul crosses their legs to whisper in the ear of The Crown, their black tights shift their long white open-fronted skirt.
Standing behind the throne is a glare so fierce it takes a second to realize it's connected to a person. A tall and handsome gnome with an austere maroon waistcoat and a long lilac skirt, covering xir feet. Xe looks out at us with disapproval writ large on xir tanned face. That face is soft like honeyed cream betraying no sign of age or wear, but the gray of xir thick eyebrows suggests a constant state of turmoil. This figure scoffs then points towards one of the far balconies and with a sigh, The Scion Lo turns to lead us away.
When we turn, we hear the voices behind us resume as Bostra and Gaibon break away from our little group to approach the throne. While we walk out we can see that the tables arrayed in this room are not covered with the banquet of a feast or the trappings of a ball, but with the simple homely offerings of daily use. Some have bits of snacks and food while others have papers and books. Ari passes one that has a map and a book she remembers well “Understanding the Courts and Cultures of the world: A guide for Tutelage in High Society”, underneath it are a bunch of stacked painted places and Ari can guess they contain the faces of other local royalty with plaques to learn their names.
When Lo walks us out onto the balcony, something mesmerizing happens. As soon as we pass the invisible barrier of the arch, the voices behind us go mute. In an instant, we can suddenly hear the noises of the outside world again, but not a thing from inside the dome. We hear the city in the distance, and the rustling of the orchard, but not a word spoken inside.
“Excuse me,” Lo says, politely nodding away from us, “Please wait here for a moment. I… didn’t realize we weren’t ready for you. I’ll be back for you in just a moment.” Then xe step back into the room.
It’s amazing that when xe crosses that threshold we can’t even hear xir footsteps anymore.
“Hey!” Sorin says loudly.
“Ow, what, don’t be so loud.”
“Huh, no it's not a Cone of Silence out here…”
Cypress sighs, “Of course not, we could hear what they just said to us, and the noise from town.”
“Oh yeah…”
After some covert looking around, Sorin and Cypress find the cause of this phenomenon. The stones of the archway for this balcony each have a carving with a pattern of rippling circular waves facing the floor, and Sorin recognized the lines scratched into the surface.
“It is a Cone of Silence! Well, a bunch of them.”
“Sorin, I can hear you.”
“No not on the balcony it’s .. just look.”
Sorin points and excitedly explains that the bricks, each one is cast a tiny focused Cone of Silence that each aims down to the floor, a slim sliver of the spell repeated over and other to form a wall. So the silence is just the insulation. Dividing the inside and outside into two distinct areas of sound.
Ari’s rogue brain kicks in, “...could we get back inside? Would they notice if we just took a step in so we still Look like we’re out here?”
With a high perception check Sorin points out the floor tiles. “Those tiles are all brass, and see that gap, I bet they're held up by some kind of spring?”
“What, like a chime?” Rae CHIMES in.
“Basically yeah.”
“I didn’t hear anything when we stepped on them to come out here.”
“It’d be very soft…”
“So they won’t hear-”
“But, it’s a specially shaped circular ovoid room.” Sorin interrupts. Looking at the ceiling.
“...And?”
“And it's all paneled in gold.”
“Sorin…”
The wizard turns to them, “It's basically like a big horn, but turned inside out. Any sound on the outer rim bounces and gets carried along the edge. And the quieter the room is, the louder those edge sounds are for anyone sitting in just the right place.”
“Which is?”
Sorin points to the throne. “Just in front of the rear wall in the middle of the arc.”
“Oh.”
“Yup.”
“Clever.”
“Yup.”
“A bit paranoid, but clever.”
“Yup, and yup.”
“But…” Ari’s thief brain says through her open mouth, “If we could get in by hovering and not touching the tiles…”
Sorin grips his sleeve and there is a muffled hissing. He tries to cover it up with his own voice, “What do you think they’re saying in there?”
When we look in, Lo has returned and is making conciliatory gestures. We can see Gaibon gesticulating with hard precise movements that nevertheless look more like pleading than forceful. The Heir is next to them, though with xir arms crossed on xir chest scoffing. The Crown is sitting still and calm like the waters of a small lake with no wind, a perfect poker face betraying nothing. Bostra is standing next to Gaibon trying to maintain his own calm placidity, but a hint of his irritation is peeking through his mask. The Soul, sitting on the other side of the Throne is staring back at Bostra, their expression is also a calm mask, peeling to show their irritation. But while Bostra’s irritation is clearly genuine, the glint in the Soul’s eyes gives it a look of cold mockery.
While the others look at the royals, Ari turns away from the lavishness of the ballroom to look out from the balcony and over the Palace grounds. With an 18, a movement catches her eye and she looks down. There at the edge of the Orchard, she sees the child, Willow, they look around in all directions twice as if being sure they aren’t following, then disappear into the trees.
Suddenly a line from the Wererat’s sermon comes back to Ari and she feels sick. At the table i handed the sheet to Brooke and she started freaking out. No one else could remember this so it was a fun time with Brooke not being able to tell them and me laughing.
Losing interest in the royals, Sorin turns to the city. He spends some time just marveling at a view he never thought he would see. As a child in the orphanage he often climbed onto the rooftops to look around, but here… The parapets block the lower view of the city, leaving only the upper floors, taller buildings, and the towers. Sorin has to restrain himself from clutching his chest as it finally sinks into him where that little orphan boy is now.
Ari turns to see Sorin also looking out and asks, “Did you see?”
“See what?”
“Down there, just now, that kid, Willow? They went into the orchard!”
“Okay-”
“But first xe looked around to make sure no one saw them.”
“Okay…”
“Ugh, remember the Wererat sermon you found? Didn’t you read it!?”
“Yeah but-”
Ari quotes “‘She was cast aside here and killed. Her body lays still and cold, deep in the royal orchards where no one will find it.’”
“Oh… OH!” Sorin waves his arms and Akris emerges. “Go, follow that royal kid in the orchard. Do not talk to them, do not make any noise at all, do not be seen if you can avoid it, do not-” (there were more clauses here but i didn’t write them down, basically Sorin was hyper specific with the instructions like someone trying to out think a wish on the Monkey’s Paw).
Akris flies off towards the orchard, and Ari grabs Sorin’s shoulder. “I THOUGHT you said you dismissed him.”
“Technically I never said…”
“SORIN!”
“Getyourhornsawayfromme!”
And just like that Ari’s hand drops as her face falls from high anger to low depression.
Ari, give me a Con save to try and stave off that depression.
Brooke: “Um, I failed, we can just say I failed.”
Okay.. but what was the roll, maybe you didn’t fail.
Brooke: “No, I definitely failed, anyways, let's move on.”
…What was the roll?
Brooke: “...One.”
Rae turns to scold Sorin for saying something stupid again, and Ari tries to pull herself together. She knows more than anything that she has to mask this pain, what can she do to hide the depression? In that instant only one thought occurs to her, and she winks a cockettish wink at Sorin.
Sorin stops fighting with Rae and thinks ‘wait, did she just wink? Did she like that I stood up to her?’
“I would like,” Cypress begins, with the stern voice of a teacher breaking up a bunch of yelling students, “to remind you all where we are!” He has still been watching the royals inside, and now they are all just staring at this tableau of threats, snapping, bickering, and flirting. “Perhaps,“ he snarls through gritted teeth, “you would all like to amend your behavior given our CURRENT circumstances!”
With a gulp, Ari slowly reaches up to her shoulder and touches the rewind button.
Because i am a gracious DM i decided that the rewind took us back to Sorin looking out at the city. The royals will not have seen any of that, but all the Thug Muggers perfectly remember it happening.
A moment later Scion Lo takes a step towards us, but The Heir raises a hand. Then, staring xir sibling down, xe steps off the raised platform and walks out to us. Xe steps out onto the balcony with a derisive nod, “Take a moment to collect yourselves and get… as presentable as you can… then step inside. The Crown wishes to speak to you. Do not keep them waiting.”
When we walk back inside, The Heir leads us to the center of the room, just behind the column of steam. “You may walk through our steam and present yourself to The Crown.” Xe says and walks around the purple rugs to sit on the golden bricks in front and to the side of the throne.
Ari concentrates on her sending stone and we all hear her voice, “Remember, full names and titles.”
Cypress is first. He steps forward and into the pillar of rising golden mist. He lets out a soft sigh as the power of this golden steam flows over him. He feels restored and energized, the kind of slight focused buzz you get from an energy drink. He walks up the acai-colored rug, then stops and kneels with his staff standing still upright at his side, his head ducking beneath the leaves tied to its top. “I am Cypress Witchazel.” he announces with a clear firm voice, “A wandering Cleric,” he holds up the staff, “a daisy child in Sheela’s great meadow,” then he hold up his wrist with the thorn and bear fur bangle, “and druid of the Earth and Forest.” Bostra nods a ‘despite myself, I’m impressed’ smile, and at the last second Cypress adds, “and an employee of the Nibiru Sewer Company under Pulgok.”
Gaibon winces slightly, but it seems to be more related to mentioning the sewers than any sort of issue with the title.
Sorin swallows and walks forward. He feels the energetic flow of the steam and comes out smiling. He moves to stand next to Cypress, then makes a proper Nibirian court bow (learned as a royal scholarship student) with the right hand crossed at an angle to the left shoulder and the left hand meeting it in his chest to form a Y, then bowing and tiling slightly so that his right shoulder points to the throne. “Your Grace and Majesty,” he announces himself. “I am Sorin, orphan of the city, student of the-” he hesitates for a second imagining how long it will take to say the name of the school. “University of magic, and recipient of The Crown Scholarship of Magic.” He finishes and stands up straight again.
Ari steps into what i hate that the table nicknamed ‘The RedBull™ Shower’ and gets a chance at a luck roll…
Her depression leaves her as she steps through and approaches the others. “I am Zevari Valros, Princess to the House of Valros, Daughter of the true Queen Nimenia and King Igvis,” the swallows hard, “the deposed true line of Kingdom Avernus.” The eyes of the court widen, but more in disbelief than in shock, and Ari bows. Her bow is the court bow of Castle Agate, in the walls of Avernus. She clasps her hands behind her back, thrusting out her hips and chest to arch her back, then as her tail swings out to the right she turns her torso and bows left with her legs facing straight ahead.
Gaibon mutters to himself in surprised affirmation, “Well, I think that might prove something.”
Raelle-the-terrified is the last to step forward, is shaking nervously before touching the steam but emerges still and sturdy as stone. She walks to Ari’s side and bows her own bow. Her back and arms are straight and she bends at the waist in a near perfect L. Her hands move in a straight line down her legs forming her arms into the hypotenuse of a triangle with her body and legs. Her loose robes fall with her then flaps up as she rises quickly. “I am Raelle Woodmaker, daughter to Carden and Cien Woodmaker, high monks of the Buried Tree Monastery.” Then after a blink she rides out a burst of inspiration and puts a hand on Ari’s shoulder, “Defender to the house of Valros.”
Samanthuel stands, and xir open skirt flows into place behind them. Shortly and deliberately xe pronounce. “I am the Crown of Nibiru”. Xir voice is gentle, a slightly husky whisper that carries as loud as a normal voice. It has a weighty gravitas but remains not unkind.
The Crown steps forward and paces to stand above Sorin. “Sorin, of the orphanage. You have lived here your whole life. Do YOU think something is wrong with my city?”
Sorin stutters for a moment in panic then gets a handle on it, “I think, um, No. I think something is wrong UNDER your city.” He finishes and bows his head.
“Under the soil… is not My domain…” The Crown says and steps over to Ari, “Princess Zevari Varlros. I am saddened to hear of the loss to your house. My condolence to your family. Captain Gaibon and my…”
“Little Brother,” The Soul supplies with a sneer.
“-have tried to persuade me that something larger is going on in my city.” Xe continues, “Do you think my lands are at risk of falling to a similar chaos that took yours?”
Ari winces and chokes back a tear. “I am inclined to agree with Bostra. He has always shown good judgment in my knowing of him. And if asked, I would advise you to take his counsel. As for me, I think whatever it is… it is growing.”
The Royal Sam nods approvingly then circles back to Cypress. “Cypress Whichhazel, flower of the kind goddess Sheela, you are a healer. I ask you, do you think my kingdom is sick?”
Cypress rocks their head from side to side mulling over their response. “Sick?” They speak slowly, measuring the words, “I can not say, yet. But I do suspect that your city is being poisoned.”
Again the Royal Sam nods magnanimously at this response and crosses back to Rae. “Woodmaker, of The Buried Tree, secret of the eastern canyons. Your monks are sent far and wide to aid in the relief of disasters. Do you see me as needing your aid?”
Rae looks off in the distance carefully crafting her response before replying, “I do not believe you are in need of aid… now.”
The Crown's eyebrows raise in a silent surprised question.
“But I fear that if you do not act soon then you may find yourself hoping for aid in the future.”
Samanthuel walks back to stand at the throne. Xir lovely doll-like face seems to radiate beauty and nobility in equal measure. Xir voice is neutral but the tone is still somehow disapproving, “When you officially decided to team up together, you named yourself,” There is the fainted puff of air between cracked lips in what might otherwise have been a sigh, “The Thug Muggers.”
Cypress winces and turns their head away for a moment, but only to hide a breaking smile. Bostra catches his eye and also has to stifle a smirk.
“So I ask you all,” The Crown continues, “Why should I trust you?” Xe stands with one hand on the golden arm of the throne and waves the other at Cypress to start this time.
Without any hesitation, Cypress simply states the fact. “Because, we have evidence.” Inside his head, he takes a second to consider Gaibon’s warning about not lying. He blinks and rolls a high Arcana check. ‘No,’ he thinks, ‘it’s simpler than that, there's no Zone of Truth here… though they could probably tap just the right brick and make one if they needed to. No Gaibon just knows these are all skilled statesmen trained in diplomacy since birth, they’ll just simply be able to spot any lie from us.’ Then thinking about his companions, ‘Probably better to not say that though, it’ll probably help if they do think it is a Zone of Truth.’
Samanthuel’s open hand points to Rae.
“Because we only want to help.”
As soon as Rae says ‘help’, The Heir scoffs loudly. Xe stands up so quickly that xir long blonde hair whips out and back. “This is ridiculous, why are we even listening to this? What because some Declarer marches back and wants favor and attention!?”
“Alex!” Lo snaps in shock.
“No, look, I respect Uncle Bostra’s military exploits as much as anyone else, but we need to face the facts of HIS discard for our family, this city and HIS duty. I suspect he is simply looking for one more grand battle to be a hero again. He found some fools from out of town and conned them to go along with it.” Xe looks back and forth across Lo and the throne, then back to the Thug Muggers. “If these outsiders want to help, then they should pipe down and stop causing the very unrest they claim to be against with all this foolish chatter!”
Before Alexandera can sit back down, The Crown glances at Lo. The younger sibling steps up quickly and walks Alex away to the side to talk.
When The Crown looks back at Sorin, xir eyes are impeccable as if no interruption ever took place, and xe motions to him. Sorin can feel the tear in his eye. “Because this is my home, good, bad and all I love this city, and I want… I want to keep it safe.”
And at the last motion of xir hand Ari nods over to Cypress. “As Cypress said, we have evidence, proof of all of this. I understand that trust is necessary, but it simply just is true.”
The Crown sits back in the throne, this time poised at the edge of the seat. Xe kicks the skirt tales behind xir feet as xe leans forward and rests xir elbow on xir knees with xir fingertips to the lips.
Samanthuel, The Crown, known as a fair and loving ruler spends time examining us. In the silence and grandeur of this huge hall the look feels like Anubis and Maat measuring and weighing our hearts and our souls.
In a soft quiet voice xe asks, “Do you wish to investigate this further?”
Our heroes glance at each other then all nod firmly and decisively.
“You said you are employees of The Nibiru Sewers Company. Well it’s never been my job before exactly to fire someone…” Xe shakes their head, “There is no Nibiru Sewer Company, not anymore. You four are the only employees we’ve found.”
After giving this a moment to sink in they continue. “Should you decide to continue, part of your task will be to find out what has happened to our sewers, and to reestablish, if not the company, then some working order to our Sewers.” One more pause and a heavy weight falls on the room.
“Now I ask you this final question. Do you four wish to serve The Berry Crown in this matter? Before you answer, know this; one of you lives here and is my subject, sworn to this land as I am sworn to him, but that is not enough. To do this thing, to serve me and my lands, one more of you must become a citizen of Nibiru. You need not forsake your other bonds, but you must find residence in my city and declare yourself a true person of Nibiru. So, I ask you. Do you four wish to serve The Berry Crown in this matter?”
In the heavy silence, Cypress looks at Ari and Rae then steps forward.
“It has been no secret of my life that I prefer the freedom of wandering, that I have chosen no allegiance to kingdom or domain beyond my Goddess. When I came to this city, I intended to spend a few days, perhaps a week, at the Church of Glorious Gods, and then move on, as is my way. My Goddess, Sheela, had greater plans for me. I have made allies, and enemies, and been tested more harshly than I had right to survive. I have seen horrible things beneath this city. I have felt a terrible presence in the mind of a friend, a friend who tried desperately to kill me. This is not the life I wished for myself. But I am here, and I am capable of helping, so I will gladly become a citizen here, and tie myself to the Church of Glorious Gods, and the city of Nibiru, if it will prevent further harm.”
Reader, this is what Nymbus wrote himself, and i find it very compelling so i did not change a thing.
There is a palpable sigh of relief in the room and we see a faint smile on The Crown’s lips as xe turns to sit back down. “You will be taking,” xe waves a hand and the Soul interrupts with a sneer.
“Our little brother-”
“Bostra to our Sister City of Eka under the earth. There he will meet with their congress in this matter so that we may delve our influence into the ground beneath us.”
A faint whisper from The Soul, “You still remember how to do that, don’t you little brother?”
“I can’t believe this!” The Heir says, throwing xir hands up in the air and storming out of the room in a huff.
Lo sighs, turns and nods a bow to the throne and then follows out after xir older sibling. Once xe passes the threshold of the archway to the parapet we can’t hear anything, but we can see Alex moving angrily and Lo making placating gestures.
When we look back, The Crown is holding two thin golden bands. Before xe steps down, Bostra steps up to them.
“May I?” He asks, “They are to be my escorts, so I should be the one to give this gift, right?” He asks in a conciliatory voice we’ve never heard from him.
The Crown nods.
Bostra steps over to us, going up to Cypress first. He slides the bracelet up onto his arm. It's a simple metal band of gold with acai colors enamel in the engaging lines of vines and leaves. He whispers to Cypress, “Thank you, that really meant a lot to me.” Then he steps over to Sorin, and sliding the band onto his arm, he gives a harsh whisper, “If you so much as think about using this to get favors or discounts, I’ll chop off the arm I put it on.” Then he squeezes the band a little too tightly and steps away.
“Your Grace and Majesty we thank you,” Bostra says, making his own bow to The Crown and Soul, “and we take our leave, to prepare and to your will.”
And with that Bostra escorts us to the stairs. Once we’re halfway, we can see him tug out a cigar and get ready to stick it in his mouth, when we hear The Soul call out, “Oh and Bostra, leave your armor and weapons. These brave people are to escort you. They are not your next battalion to command. There will be no fighting in this for you. This brave band is escorting you so remember you need to follow their lead and not make decisions, that might just get in their way.”
And so, we end the session with the sound of Bostra’s gritting teeth and the sprinkling bits of cigar falling from his clenched fist onto the floor.
The king's all for it. He says other kings have always had fools, so he'll try having a wise man around, just in case that works better.
-Archchancellor Mustrum Ridcully The Brown / King Verence II of Lancre —Terry Pratchett, “Lords and Ladies”
Table talk:
A few big mechanical-y things this time, but first i want to say how great everyone did at ‘if you’re talking, you’re playing’. There were a few gaffs here and there, myself included, but overall everyone did an excellent job, and i really think it’s what made this session so amazing.
When Sorin sent Akris to follow Will, and succeeded in his check he actually finished Akris’s point counter for those checks. That means that Akris leveled up! I’ve included a picture (click on it for the large one) of his full companion character sheet which includes all his new awesome abilities, like hypnotism and fighting!
NEW PAY! Before the sewers were paying the Thug Muggers 2 gold a day, now escorting a member of state you will be making, 8 Gold a day, each! I haven’t yet decided how this will get to you, maybe Bostra will hand it out, or maybe it will be a bank credit you have to go and get, but either way, that's a big step up!
